That Perfect Little Face
by AmadErik
Summary: Susan Kay based story of Erik, Madeleine and Erik's little sister
1. Chapter 1

**MADELEINE**

It was a late night in April when I first sensed it. I couldn't mistake it with any other feeling, as I felt this little kicking and tickling sensation when I first felt Erik years ago. I put my hand on my belly nearly against my will, and caressed that new life growing inside me. I knew it must be God's gift to me. After Erik, God must have realized what has he done to me and felt sorry for me. Yes, now he will give me the perfect little boy I was hoping for 7 years ago. I got Erik then. Now I will get my son. Not a monster, but my own little son. I was so happy I could have jumped all over the room. I suddenly felt like the 17 year old Madeleine, cheerful, ready to start a new life with the perfect little baby.

Everything that wasn't an option with Erik, suddenly became my dream again. I was planning how I will walk with my son all over the village, how I will rock him in his cradle, singing him a lullaby, hug him, kiss him… I so wanted to kiss my son. This is how it all should have been from the beginning. Erik was just a mistake God should fix.

- - Are you really expecting a child? A real child? – Erik dropped his knife in horror when I told him the next morning, when having breakfast. I didn't think he will be happy about the news, but to be honest, I didn't care about his opinion, and it did not matter to me. I just felt he has the right to at least know about it and so he will have the time to get used to his little brother. Or, let's say I gave him an option if he doesn't want this situation, he may have enough time to go wherever he wants to.

- Yes. – I answered coldly. – And I warn you, young man, if you dare to harm him, I will make sure you will regret the day you were born.

- I already do, mother. – he answered with his usual bitter sarcasm, and I didn't even realized how his knife appeared in his hand again.

- Don't dare to use this tone with me. – I groaned at him, plainly out of habit.

- Étienne Bayre, right?

- What do you want with him? – Maybe at this point I turned a bit paler than I should have.

- Is he the father?

- Who else? You guessed it was the Holy Spirit?

- No, because God has more brain then making you the next Mary.

How dare you…. – I gasped but after I decided I won't reply to Erik's obvious provoking. He wanted me to lose control of my temper to harm my unborn baby. I remembered from my first pregnancy, that the doctor warned me not to be upset over things and try to stay calm. I decided that Erik won't make me upset during my pregnancy, no matter how much he tries.

I have to admit, he was trying, and sometimes he even succeeded. There wasn't a day when he did not try to make me upset, with his usual nasty little tricks. My coffee cups broke, so did my mirror, things disappeared, just as usual. Neither slaps, nor did talking to him help.

I even consulted with Father Mansart, but the priest couldn't talk to him since the nasty conversation between them about animals and their souls. Erik just acted like he did not hear anything of the priest was telling him. It was scary to see a child not showing even the slightest emotion over the heard sentences.

I finally decided that I will give up hope that I can slap some sense into Erik's hideous twisted little skull, and I only concentrated on my second child. I was singing songs to him in my bed, I was caressing my belly so he could feel my touch. I spent hours of imagining how he will look like. Will he resemble Charles finally? Or will he have my father's face? Or will he look like Étienne? Étienne was very handsome as well! Girls will adore him, anyway. In any case, he will have either brown or black hair, with brown or black eyes. There is a very tiny chance that he may have grayish blue eyes, as my grandfather, but it is the least possible event.

Sometimes, however, I was scared he will look the way Erik does… I did not expect Erik to turn out the way he did, after all. I always tried to shoo these bad feelings away from me. No, I can't get the same miserable misfortune twice. I don't know what could have been wrong with Erik… what has happened?

I tried to remember back what was it like to be pregnant with this little burden. I didn't want to make the same mistake twice. I was searching for any small hints, and finally, I found one.

I called Erik names on that day, when Sasha broke the lamp. Yes, Marie even warned me about it… did God really punish me this way? I didn't believe in such nonsense, but, to be safe, I really was careful not to say anything bad about the baby or about my state of health.

Even though I could have said many bad things about my body. God, the first half of my pregnancy was entirely covered in heartburn, dizziness, vomiting, sometimes I nearly passed out of sleepiness. I couldn't help, but was always compared the two children to each other. Erik, compared to how much stress and problems he caused me after his birth, did not do anything against me before he was born. Yet, this second baby made my pregnancy a Hell. Maybe this means he won't cause any problems after his birth? I hope so.

No matter how hard it was to feel good in my skin, I was always happy to know that the baby is growing and developing normally, and soon, I will have a son to adore.

Étienne, however, didn't react to the big news the way I wanted and imagined him to.

- You… you can't be pregnant, Madeleine… - Étienne scratched his head.

- Why? I can feel it, and…

- Well, I had been careful…

- Aren't you happy about it? You wanted to marry me! Or don't you want to any more?

- That is… not the case, Madeleine… just you see, I wasn't prepared for children this early and to tell the truth, Erik is enough too. Another child…

- Erik? Who cares about Erik? He lives there, I admit but I have never cared for him. As he managed to take care of himself, he will do just fine.

- Madeleine, dear you know well that Erik is mentally unstable. How are you supposed to start a new life with a man and a child with Erik being around? You know how he can be… he might harm the child.

- I already threatened him not to do so.

- Threatening isn't the best solution, Madeleine…

- You can't do anything else with Erik.

- I have to think about this yet, Madeleine… I am sorry but this situation is far from a pleasant one. I am happy about our child, but… you know what I mean.

Of course, I knew what Étienne was saying. He wanted me to get rid of Erik. Always. But despite how I hated that boy sometimes, I could never imagine myself as taking him into a mental asylum. I felt sorry about that disfigured monster and I had to take care of him. This was my burden I always had to carry on my shoulders.

- What will happen to me if the baby is born? – Erik asked at the dinner table once.

- If you behave normally, nothing will. – I replied, pouring some tea for myself, not even looking at him.

- Nothing? – he paused. – Aren't you sending me away to… somewhere else, so you can live with Dr. Bayre? – I could sense some worried tone in his voice, and I was happy to hear it. It meant there was finally a way I could keep him in my hand.

- As I said, I am not sure yet, Erik. Lately you act far from what I would call a good mannered boy. If you leave us be, you may stay.

Erik did not reply, but I could see he was feeling uncomfortable. I tried not to show my delight to him about this effect I had on him. For the rest of the dinner, he was just eating silently, and at the end of the dinner he stood up and helped me with the dishes, something I can't remember he ever did in his life.

Months have passed. My pregnancy was noticeable and I was walking slowly and hard. Étienne never said a sure yes or no, and I started to be desperate about his behavior. I sat on my bed and crying all nigh, many times. Erik is poisoning my life. No one can be happy because of this little monster. Ever.

Speaking of the little monster, he became a little bit calmer with time. He didn't seem to be upset at all, and didn't seem to care about the child. He was usually playing with Sacha and working on his music and building plans. He was too calm, to be honest.

I was nearly just as afraid of his calm and cold behavior as I was of his furious rage. It was not common from a child of his age to act like a polite undertaker, and to be honest, it wasn't even his usual way of acting. He was manipulative, furious, demanding childish troublemaker a few months earlier, but lately, not a loud word left his lips.

He wasn't irritated when I asked for help. Many times I didn't even have to ask, he offered help. He even started to do housework that caused me discomfort because of my pregnancy. He washed clothes, he did the dishes, waxed the floors without a complaint. He put his cradle in my bedroom to let the child sleep with me, so I can feed him in my bedroom. I never thought Erik was so thoughtful.

- Thank you, Erik. – I told him when he was done with placing the cradle in my bedroom. He dried his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt, and turned to me like a servant, waiting for my new order. Still, I could not read in his mind, so I tried to talk to him.

- What do you think of the baby, Erik?

- I thought you were not interested in my opinion.

- That's not an answer! – I groaned at him.

- It is just an unborn thing. I have not much things to think about it.

- Aren't you excited about it?

- Do I look like it?

- No.

- Well, I am not. I just want to live my life as I used to. You finally will be happy. Maybe.

He got tired of our conversation and left without any other word. Suddenly I felt sorry for him. He was yet an 8 year old child that just wanted to live happily and wanted me to be happy. I wanted to go out again to talk to him, but by the time I stepped out of the room, I heard his door closed behind him.

I lay down to sleep with the thought that I will never fully understand Erik, and maybe we will never like each other, but I should try to make him a bit happier. I should try a bit harder. Maybe, if I try to trust Erik more, and give him creative ways to act out his feelings about his brother, he will like him more. Maybe I should share the baby with him. He has the right to be a part of a happy family… and if I do so, perhaps he will change with time.

- Erik. – I turned to him the next morning as we were drinking tea after breakfast – I wondered if you wanted to choose a name for your brother.

- Me? – he lifted his head suddenly with surprise. – I thought it was your privilege.

- I am glad you think it as a privilege. Originally I planned to name him, but maybe you could help.

- Maybe you could call him Charles. Mlle Perrault once said you were going to name me Charles, before you found out what I looked like.

- Did she tell you this? – I gasped.

- No. I heard it once.

- So you were listening as always. – I sighed with discontent.

- I can't help I have so good hearing.

- Well, other than Charles, do you know a good name for a boy? – I returned to the original subject, because I knew we would just argue over useless things again.

- Maybe his father could name him. – he replied with sudden fury. – as that's the usual way, isn't it? Do you really think me so dumb, _mother_? Do you honestly think I believe that you suddenly want me to be a part of your perfect little family? You are just mocking me!

- Erik! Stop it!- I screamed as I saw his fury growing and I was afraid something will break in seconds.

I wasn't wrong. His teacup shattered in million little pieces on the stone kitchen floor. He lifted his head and his eyes threw a glance full of hatred on me. He did not say any other word to me, he only called for Sasha, and stormed out of the kitchen.

A few minutes later I heard Bach's Toccata and Fugue in d minor on the piano, and I just went down on my knees to pick up the broken china. You little monster, you break everything around you. You break my china; you break my life, my heart, my family. I hate you.

- You can see it, Marie, he can't stay here. – I grabbed her shoulders with a bit more force than I originally intended to.

- Madeleine, that's cruel! Don't forget it was you who caused this all mess! Erik turned out the way he is because of your mean treatment!

- As he is such a good boy with you, who was always kind to him, eh? He clearly did not cause you any pain, did he? – I sarcastically pointed out.

- I am not mad at him, whatever he does and I am not turning my heart away from him. He could be a good boy if he had a mother that cares for him.

- I try my best to care for him! I even asked for his opinion! And what his answer is? Breaking stuff and yelling at me! He could easily hurt the baby!

- I don't think so. Why don't you wait rather than giving him up completely?

- Should I really wait till he kills my son, in your opinion?

- Of course not. – she sighed and looked at me like I was a dull 5 year old. Marie did never look at me this way before. – But maybe you could wait how Erik treats the baby after he was born. If he misbehaves, you could talk to him and….

- No! I am not playing this game with him for other long years! If he acts normally after the baby is born, he may stay, but if I see him as the smallest risk for my son, he will find himself on a carriage to the nearest mental asylum sooner than he could count to 3.

I heard a tiny gasp from behind the closed door. He was, of course, listening again. But this time I did not mind it. At least I don't have to tell it again to him. I hope he understood the seriousness behind my words and tries to behave.

It was the 8th month of the pregnancy, as I counted. Erik wasn't giving any thoughts about me or the baby, he did chores, but usually did not really speak to me. I didn't bother too much about him either. I accepted the thought that he doesn't even want to be a part of my family, and so he does not even have a brother. It is my only son, and Erik just lives with us, and does whatever he wants to, unless it harms anyone or anything.

It was a very hot day in August. Erik and Sasha were playing in the garden, though Sasha was moving slowly and got tired very easily, she still liked to play fetch. I think she did not even really see the stick, she only found it with the help of her nose. She proudly walked back to Erik and threw the stick in front of his legs.

- Good, Sasha. – Erik patted her head. – Very good. Now, you should rest, I think. Let me carry you away from direct sunlight. – he lift the dog up and carried her back in the house and put her down in her basket. – Now sleep a little, my lady, I will see you a bit later.

- Erik! Close the door this instant! – I interrupted his sweet-talking the dog. – Bugs are coming in!

I shortly after heard the door slammed with his full strength.

- Erik! I asked you to close it, not to bang it!

- At first, you didn't ask, but ordered. Secondly, it did not really interest you that I had both of my hands full, so you could have just as easily helped _me _to close it.

- And that is enough reason for you to destroy my house?

- Your house?

- Who else's house?

- You didn't fix a loose screw since I am old enough to do so. It is my house as well, as I am fixing and tidying things here for years. And most of the time, I don't even get a "Thank you, Erik".

- Why should you? It is your job! You don't thank me for making food either.

- What food? I don't remember when did you cook for the last time.

- Because I am pregnant!

- And those women who also have 2 or 3 children and a husband? She doesn't cook for months either? You are just being a lazy diva, and if my father was alive you wouldn't be able to do this!

- Get thee gone to your room! Away from me! I don't want to see you around!

- I hope you will give birth to a baby just like me! You deserve it! We will hate you together!

I wanted to jump up and run to him to kick the crap out of him for this, but I felt a sudden sharp pain and screamed in agony. I fell back on the pillows on the couch and I can't remember what has happened next.

When I finally came to consciousness the first thing I saw was that annoying white kid mask leaning towards my head and those mismatched, twisted eyes were examining me with curious scientific interest. I could have sworn that he would dissect me right there if he could. I felt the urge to punch him in the face, but I couldn't move my hand, I was so weak.

- Oh, did you weak up? – the tone of his voice sent a shiver down on my spine. I maybe was half delusional with pain, but for a second I believed Erik's voice to change to a deeper, not childlike range. It was frightening. I wanted to scream, but my throat was as tight as it could be. It was even hard for me to breathe.

- Do you need anything? – Erik asked with sudden kindness and compassion. His voice seemed to return to its normal tone.

- How did you come to be so kind suddenly? – I remarked softly.

- I only wanted to help so that you don't have to get up. But if you don't want anything it is fine.

- You could make some tea. – I told him as he wanted to leave.

- Tea. How much sugar do you want? Or do you want it with honey?

- With lemon and a bit honey please. – he nodded and left me there alone. I slowly started to feel better; I took some deep breaths and sat up slowly. After a while, he carried a cup of tea for me and gave it in my hand.

- Here is it, mother.

- Thank you, Erik. – I said, but I didn't pay any more attention to him.

He sat down in front of me, and was staring at me with his mismatched eyes. He looked at me the same examining way. I really felt uncomfortable.

- What the Hell do you want? Go to your room and leave me be.

- If you need something, just call for me, I will be near. – He smiled, but his eyes show something scary. I did not pay attention to it any more though, as I was thinking about it can be just another trick of Erik's.

I slowly drank all my tea. I had to admit that Erik made a very nice tea every time but this one was even better than usual. It had some sweet flavor. I smiled and sat back. I closed my eyes and I think I fell asleep.

I woke up to the feeling I felt very sick. I felt utterly disoriented and I couldn't get up. The pain got back to me again. At first, it was just a cramp I could even forget about for a few minutes, but it became stronger and stronger, and after maybe half an hour my belly hurt the way I could not tolerate it any more and I let out a cry.

- What is wrong? – Erik arrived with a candle, wearing his nightwear after I was crying for some minutes in pain. I looked at him. He surely just woke up as he wasn't wearing his mask either. His mismatched disfigured eyes show no sympathy at all and his voice was a bit of annoyed. I just realized that it was nighttime. I slept all day long? I closed my eyes and recalled all the events with Erik this day, and I just found out what happened.

- You poisoned me! – I screamed in horror and tried to get his arm, but I felt too weak to grab him.

I wanted to kill this devilish monster. If I and my child have to die, no way this Satan will stay alive. I will crack his disgusting skull with my own hands on the wall at first. I gave him life, but I will take it, for me and my son…

I finally succeeded in kicking his side with full strength when he wanted to approach me and he fell back. I heard the dull thud of his body against the floor.

- Die, monster! – I screamed and gasped in pain when I saw him getting up. His head appeared at my feet and I wanted to kick him again but his voice silenced me.

- I will call Dr. Bayre for you as you seem to be unable to think normally. If you are done throwing a tantrum, let me know. – Erik looked at me with such an expression that I even forgot about my pain. I have never heard Erik talking to me like this. Of course, he was sometimes sarcastic, but this time, he talked to me like I was a stupid child and he was my father.

I could not say a word as he disappeared slowly to get dressed.

I don't recall much of what happened after Erik left. I only remember Étienne's face above me once and he was telling me not to be afraid and the child will be healthy. The child? What is going on… he is early yet…

I lost my consciousness after and there was a long dark pause.

**ERIK**

I had to help the man I hated more than anything else. I wasn't pleased at all that I had to be in the same room with him, but I was too young yet to figure out things myself. He did not want to show how much afraid he was of me, but I knew well what he felt. I could just smell the horror surrounding him. I realized that my mother was unconscious. Dr. Bayre sure knew what to do. I maybe could have left, and he could do his business on his own, but to tell the truth, I was too curious to do so.

- Maybe… it will be a boy… - he started a conversation with trembling voice. I nodded. He continued. – Are you glad about getting a new…

- Sir. – I replied, - Please consider that you will be safer if you will never see my mother again.

- What do you mean? How dare you…? – he dropped small napkin he just picked up from the bed .

- You have no right to ask this. You are not my father. Thank God. I only warned you that I am not sure if this house is safe for you. – I put one hand on my hip and gently lifted my other hand and showed him my pointer finger in a threatening position.

- Erik, I don't want to move in. – he threw the napkin away and got a new one.

- I am pleased to hear this. – I took a step back, so he could turn to his work again.

- You mean far too much danger to be comfortable here with you.

- We agree. – I nodded.

- And to tell the truth… I did not yet want a child… my career… do you understand, Erik?

- Of course. I think the doctors are the most fortunate in Paris.

- Yes. I'm heading there… tomorrow.

Bayre wiped his forehead after some pause and said:

- Take care of the child… please Erik.

- I will. It will be in very good hands.

We had to wait unbearably long time till my mother finally came to consciousness. Or to tell the truth she was half- conscious the whole time. She did not recognize us and was suffering from the childbirth. The child did not turn to the right direction in time; it was sideways when we started. The child took long to be born. It was nearly dawn when the child cried out at last. I wasn't sleepy at all; I was awake by scientific interest. Dr Bayre finally moved out of the way.

- Here is your… sister. – Bayre showed me a tiny red wrinkly human being on the bloody sheets.

- Sister? – I asked with surprise. My mother was always referring to the unborn kid as "him" all the time that I nearly was 100 % sure it was a boy. But no. It was really a girl. A perfect little thing with normal features. It came to my mind what would happen if I just drown her in the water which I brought in. But I don't know why but I suddenly felt ashamed. This thing never harmed me. She could not do anything about the relationship between me and my mother.

I picked her up and washed her carefully then put her in one of my shirts I brought with me when the man asked for clothes. I don't know why, I just thought it will be good. The shirt was so big compared to her that it could easily be used as a blanket. I was looking at her for a while. She did not really look like mother. She had blue eyes. I did not even remember a face I could compare hers to. I slowly placed her beside my mother. Maybe she will be happy with her. I wanted to send Dr. Bayre away while turning back, but thankfully he had enough brain to leave the house by himself. I did not find him anywhere any more. I went to my room slowly and opened the door for Sacha. She ran to me and licked my face in happiness to see me again. I was petting her head and asked for her forgiveness that I locked her in my room while the childbirth took place. I didn't want her to bother us.

I lay down on my bed and was staring at the ceiling for some time. The sunlight shone brightly in my room as it turned fully morning. The wind still blew some fresh breeze in the open window, but I knew that not much later the weather will turn as hot as it was yesterday. The garden will be too hot for Sacha and I to play. I just started to feel how sleepy I was. Sacha jumped up on my bed and made herself comfortable at my feet. I yawned and was just thinking about everything that happened lately. I did not know why my mother thought I poisoned them, but I hope, when she wakes up, she will be able to think normally again. She finally got the perfect child she wanted. I hope she will be happy at last.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**ERIK**

I startled up to the noise of a baby's crying. What has happened? We don't even have a baby…. oh, of course, my sister. I forgot about her. Sasha was running around in the room with great excitement. I was looking around in my room. The weather wasn't as hot as I imagined it to be, it was raining. I closed the window, and let Sacha out of my room. She was running towards mother's bedroom. The door was closed, as I left it.

I looked at the grandfather's clock in the bedrooms foyer upstairs. It was half past two. Sacha ran downstairs and was desperately scratching the front door, so I let her out. The baby was still crying. Why my mother won't stop her? A baby, to my knowledge, only cries when it has some needs that weren1t taken care of. Could it be that my sister was unattended? As she was crying more, I decided to investigate the problem.

I ran back upstairs and opened the door. The child was still beside mother, on the bed, as I left her, in my shirt. She was crying, but mother did not react to it. She was lying motionless, with her eyes closed.

- Mama? – I called out, but just as my sister's cries, my voice was left without an answer. – I took a step closer and put my hand on her shoulders. I knew she didn't like when I touched her, but this time I had to bear her disgust if she wakes up. I gently shook her. Nothing has happened. I shook her once more, this time, with more force. Her hair covered part of her face. She was pale. I quickly grabbed her wrist and checked her pulse. It was very weak, but still sensible.

For a second I did not know what to do. There was the child, crying, most likely was very hungry by this time, and there was my mother that needed quick help. Dr. Bayre did sure leave to Paris in the morning. Dr. Gautier must be the one to come and see mother, but he is deadly afraid of me. He won't ever come in the house if I was the one to open the door for him. Maybe Mlle Perrault, as mother's only friend could go and fetch the doctor, and if I stay in my room, maybe the doctor will dare to get in. But who would run to call Marie Perrault?

I could go there in nighttime, as the villagers are asleep, but I am afraid mother won't live long enough to wait for that. And I am not sure I could leave the baby here, alone. If I take the baby with me, she will most likely catch a cold, and will most certainly draw the mob's attention at us. I am not sure I could run fast enough, or protect her properly, so it is safer if she stays here.

I was walking up and down in the room, feeling like a caged animal that can do nothing to make things better. Suddenly, I heard Sacha's barking from outside. Of course, Sacha was forgotten about, my poor old Sacha. I ran downstairs and let her in. She was soaked to the skin, the poor thing.

That human being was still crying at the top of her lungs. I ran back to the bedroom, and decided to take care of the child. At least it should be saved. I picked her up and checked on her. She was dirty and needed to be changed. I was slightly mad at myself for bringing a shirt, but I really did not think of any better. I cleaned her and tried to put a diaper on her, but she was moving too much, so I just folded it on her. Very carefully I lifted her up and carried her down to the kitchen.

As I did not have anything else to feed her, I boiled some milk to avoid bacterial infections, and waited for it to cool down to a normal temperature for the baby. Of course, she wasn't happy about her lunch being so late. I felt nothing for her, nothing but maybe a bit of pity. She wasn't at all adorable to me, as mother often called her before her birth, she was much more bugging me than anything. At least she could be quiet for a few minutes. She sure has strong lungs if she is able to cry for nearly an hour without any pause.

- Stop crying. – I sighed and stuck my tongue out on her. To my surprise, she really stopped it, and was looking at me. I repeated the action, but she started crying again. – Please stop. – I said and she shut her face again. It seemed like she was only quiet when I spoke to her. – Don't be so loud, I am making your food. It seems like it will be ready for you to eat now. Will you eat and be a good girl? – I offered her some milk and she was eating. I think she was very tired because right after eating she finally fell asleep. I walked up in the bedroom and put her in the cradle.

I walked closer to mother's bed to see if she was still alive. When I checked her pulse, she weakly reached out for my hand and grabbed my shirt. Her eyes got wide open, and she pulled me to lean closer.

- Erik…

- I will call Mlle Perrault if you want. She goes and fetches Dr. Gautier for you…

- No… baptize him… Erik… baptize him… - she closed her eyes again. I knew she was referring to the newborn, she still thought it was a boy. I knew it could be her last wish and who am I to disregard it? She wanted the priest for the newborn in the first place, not the doctor for herself.

How should I call Father Mansart here? Sacha came beside me again and gave her paw. I just realized what I should do. I was a bit of afraid as some villager could catch Sacha, but I wanted my mother to be happy.

I went to the dining room, sat down at the table, picked up a piece of note paper and a piece of drawing coal out of my pocket and wrote a short note to Father Mansart in which I informed him about the events and asked for help. I clipped it to Sacha's collar and I opened the front door.

- Sacha, to the church, please! Be careful! I love you, good girl.

She seemed to understand me and I saw her disappearing as she ran out of the gate. I just hoped she will be home soon, safe. We were at the church together at night sometimes, I wanted to show Sacha the organ, so I took her with me every once in a while. I hoped she remembered the right direction.

It seemed like an eternity until I finally heard a knock on the door. I ran to open it, excitedly. Father Mansart was standing there, looking at me.

- What has happened, Erik? – his voice was compassionate. I was mad at him earlier, but I was yet a child, worried and scared that night, unsure of what might happen to my family and me. It wasn't my usual way of acting, but I was afraid. I hugged the priest, and broke out in tears.

- I need you Father… I need you to christen my sister. – I swallowed back my tears – And I would… want you to… give the final sacraments… to mother.

- I hope not, my boy. – he put his strong hand on my shoulder. – I have called for Dr. Gautier when I walked past his house. He will be here soon, but please, go to your room.

- I will, Father.

- And pray, will you, Erik?

- I will. – I nodded. I dried my eyes and ran to my attic bedroom.

Some minutes later the priest knocked on my door. I opened it and was looking at him questioningly.

- I'm sorry Erik, but your mother is still unconscious and I would need a name to baptize your sister.

- A name? – I asked slowly. Now I understood what my mother could have felt when she was asked to name me. I couldn't think of anything. I can't even tell him this time to name it after himself. I am totally alone with this huge decision, not even Sacha came back yet… wait….

- Sacha! – I gasped

- Sacha? – he repeated with disbelief. I nodded, but did not even understood why did he repeat it. I got so worried about Sacha that I forgot the whole subject we were talking about earlier. I just shut the door on the priest's face and ran to the window, to see if Sacha was in the garden.

**MADELEINE**

- I baptize thee Alexandrine, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

These were the first words I heard after a very long pause. I felt so dizzy, and I had a strange unearthly feeling as I did not even belong to my body any more. Even though I recognized Father Mansart's voice, it sounded like I was underwater and he would speak on the river bank. Everything went black again.

Some minutes later my mind started to work again.

Who is Alexandrine, Where am I? What has happened?

- Father? – I made a terrible whining sound as I tried to ask him about what on Earth is going on.

- Don't worry, Madeleine, your children are safe.

I did not really like that the priest was talking about more children. I could care less about Erik's well-being at that time. Only thing that mattered to me was my baby son.

- Who… who is… Alexandrine? – I asked the priest as I have never heard this name before.

- Oh, well, I am sorry about that, my dear. It is the official form of the name "Sacha".

- Sacha? What about Sacha?

- Erik could not give me any other girl name, Madeleine, and as you asked me to baptize your daughter as soon as possible, I was forced to name the little girl Alexandrine. But, if you ask me, it is a very beautiful name.

Daughter? Not a son? I felt a bit of disappointment deep down in my soul. I bit my lips and turned my head away on the pillow. It is not the perfect little son I was dreaming of. But after, a bigger shock hit my brain.

- Did he… dare to name my child after the dog? – I gasped. I tried to sit up, but felt myself extremely weak.

- Don't sit up, Madeleine, Dr. Gautier told us you have to rest a lot. He will see you later today.

- Could you rename my child? – I asked, not even paying attention to what he was saying.

- No, sadly no, Madeleine, I have already listed her in the parish register and she has her birth certificate.

- When did you do that, you have just baptized her, I heard you!

- Oh, dear child, it was yesterday! – he looked at me with compassion.

- So… you can't change that. – I sighed.

- No, sadly, I can't. You will eventually get used to her name, my dear. I am sorry it turned out this way.

He will pay for this. He was so mean, mocking my own child, naming her after the dog! I know I will beat him for this if I ever recover.

- May I see the child? – I asked finally.

- But of course. – the priest stood up from the chair beside my bed, as I later was informed, he had come to me to give me the final sacraments that day, but I woke up just before he could do so - and picked the baby up and handed it to me.

My daughter was beautiful, she had a perfect, symmetric little face, her complexion was light as a china doll's, she had small and cute nose, a bit of pointy, her eyes were big and clear blue, and she had a small amount of light brown hair. She was bundled up in a white soft towel, and when I touched her, she made a startled sound. It was like she got scared of me, which made me a bit of disappointed.

- Ssssssh, don't be afraid, dear, hush. – I smiled at her. – Here is Mama for you, my angel. – she looked calmer as I was talking to her. I cradled her in my arm, and was softly humming to her, until I was very sleepy, myself. Father Mansart realized I was tired, so he took the child from me and put her in the cradle.

- Don't worry about Erik. – he turned back from the door as he was preparing to leave. – He is in good hands.

As if anyone was worried about that little monster. Who cares? I yawned and closed my eyes. Why isn't it a boy?

**ERIK**

Sacha still didn't come home. It was a day ago I sent her to the church. As Father Mansart later told me, she did not come with him, she was left behind in the church garden. I wanted to go and search for her as soon as night comes, but my plan was ruined by the arrival of Mlle Perrault. She came to the news that spread in the village, that I had a sister and my mother was dying. She came here to take care of us, and she wasted a lot more energy to take care of me than she should have. She kindly sent me to bed and did not let me out to search for Sacha.

- You know, it is not a good idea, Erik, dear. A child at your age should be in bed now. And I am sure Sacha will be home by morning. Maybe… maybe she found a rabbit…

Her speech was at least believable. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much that night. I was looking out the window to see if Sacha arrives in the garden, but she did not show up all night.

Marie Perrault was like a real mother to us. She fed us, even though I did not eat much anyway, but because of Sacha's disappearance, I could not swallow a single bite. She took care of my sister. I was later informed I named her Alexandrine "Sacha". I was happy about the news, one couldn't have given her a better name than this. It was the sweetest name to me back then. Even out of my intent, I named her properly.

It wasn't easy for poor Mlle Perrault to bear my tantrums towards the end of the day. I was half crazy of worry; I blamed myself and later on, my poor sister for losing my dear Sacha. Mlle Perrault had to lock me in my room at seven o clock, because I am ashamed to admit, but I grabbed the baby out of her hands when she wanted to feed her, and I yelled at her that it was her fault and she will pay for it. I kicked the closed door with great violence, but a sudden noise silenced me in seconds.

I heard her bark.

- Sacha! – I ran to the window with great excitement, and opened it to be able to climb out to the tree next to the window, but my leg stopped in mid air.

Sacha's barking wasn't like usual. She was howling. Some moments later, I could even see her, she was walking slowly and painfully, and she lay down in the grass, not too far from the gate. I jumped out to the tree, and climbed down, not even bothering to pay attention to Marie Perrault's constant horrified screaming in the living room's window.

- No, Erik dear! Don't do it, Erik, dear! Go back to your room, Erik, dear!

I ran to Sacha to pick her up and carry her in the house. A I arrived closer, I could see a wound on her side and chest. She was bleeding!

- Sacha! No! – I screamed in horror. I reached down for her and picked her up from the ground, and ran back in the house with her to take care of her. She was dirty from her blood and dirt. Most likely she was shot or stabbed in the village and she escaped from the angry villagers and was trying to reach the house all by herself. I tried my best to bandage her wounds and to give her water to drink. I was right by her side, petting her head and telling her not to be afraid. I stroke the soft fur on her back, cleaning her with a wet cloth. I could care less what mother will say if she sees the dirty puddle on her rug. I was ready to tell her my not really nice opinion if she dared to complain by only a word. Mlle Perrault was standing behind my back, sometimes she put her hand on my shoulder. I was grateful for her presence and support, even though I did not show it to her.

Sacha, my dear sweet Sacha, however being a strong, defending and clever girl, sadly could not win this battle. She was too old, and seriously wounded, and her tortured body gave up the battle in the end. She passed away in my arms, not much before midnight. I kissed her goodnight for the last time, and covered her up with her favorite blanket. I went outside to dig her grave in the backyard.

It was half past one when I finished Sacha's funeral. She got a Requiem mass as well, and I planned to carve a mark for her grave the next morning. I was very tired and went to bed, just as I was, sweaty and dirty. I fell on my bed exhaustedly, and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up to a strange, very hot air coming in the window. And it wasn't only heat, but a choking smoke as well. It was very hard to see things in my room anymore and I was coughing. I jumped out of my bed, quickly grabbed my violin from under the bed and ran to the other bedroom where Marie Perrault was sleeping. While running, I could see the whole living room and dining room downstairs was already on fire, threatening orange flames were destroying mother's precious dining table, chairs, and the very expensive curtains. I knocked on the door and made as much noise as I could, even though the smoke was irritating my eyes and throat. Marie Perrault got so horrified when she opened the door that she could not say or do anything. Panic was forming in her brain and I knew I can't let it getting worse, as it will lead to all of us dying in the most horrible way. I pushed her roughly on the side and yelled at her.

- Go, help my mother! We have to escape through the cellar window! Hurry!

She seemed to get a bit calmer, and she ran to mother's bedroom. She put a tucker on mother's shoulder to protect her and woke her up. She did not seem to be fully conscious, but at least she was following Mlle Perrault to the cellar, and it made me possible to take care of Sacha. I ran to the cradle to pick her up and run to the cellar with her, but to my horror the cradle was empty.

- Sacha! – I cried out in horror and was frantically searching for the baby in the room. I could not find her anywhere near the bed, nor in the whole bedroom. I ran to the cellar, but Marie and mother were already outside. I could not see them in the backyard any more, I was sure they were escaping to the Rouemar forest. I had no time to waste, I had to search for Sacha, and flee with her.

I was running through the house, I couldn't find her anywhere upstairs, not even in the guest bedroom. It seems Marie did not take Sacha with her to sleep. As I could not find her upstairs I knew I had to run to the fire to search for her if she isn't already dead.

I was heading to the living room as fast as I could, and I finally heard Sacha's terrified cries seeking for help. I did not care about the many sources of danger and ran to the sound's direction. Sacha was placed in a blue carrycot that Marie brought as a gift not much before Sacha's birth. She was next to an armchair with the knitting basket. I am sure Mlle Perrault was knitting something and as she went to bed she forgot about Sacha. I couldn't blame her, she was very new to the household and even I forgot about her sometimes. I picked up the carrycot, and was running towards the cellar with it. I could feel some hot pieces of coal touching my shirt, my hair and my mask, but I did not care. The heat caused the window glasses to explode, and one piece of shattered glass flew right in my arm that held the carrycot. Even the blanket around Sacha got a few glass powder and some minor pieces of glass, but thankfully they did not hurt her.

I finally found myself outside with her, in our backyard, with the violin in one hand and the carrycot in the other. I ran out of the backyard, a few meters away from the house and I could not move any longer. I was extremely tired, I felt dizzy, I was coughing and was afraid I am going to die in a few seconds, I put my sister down on the ground and I sat down beside her. I can't remember anything else for a time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**MADELEINE**

My whole body was in pain. Especially my belly hurt, and I had trouble breathing. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest, pushing it with full effort, so that I can't take a deep relaxing breath or yawn. My head was throbbing. I tried to open my eyes, they slowly got open. My vision was blurry for a time, but when it finally cleared out I got very surprised. I wasn't in my bedroom any more.

This room was way bigger; on its white walls not even a picture gave some bright spot. It was all white and plain, just like a Lutheran church. It was full of beds, and I was lying in one of these beds, myself. Firstly I mistook it with the old bedroom at the boarding school I went to, and the great resemblance of the two rooms were just even bigger when I turned my head on the side and saw Marie's white face on the bed next to mine. Just like when we were school girls. I closed my eyes for a bit and remembered back to our childhood. Even though I wasn't too kind to her most of the time, and I really used her as my slave at school, we were real friends. We would often whisper stories to each other after bedtime, and we were grounded for that together after.

I opened my eyes again. Marie was asleep. It would be so good to forget about these past years and go back to school together to start life over. Everything was so good back then.

I imagined that I just graduated from school. Tomorrow we get our final certificates, and we will be heading to home in the afternoon. I invited Marie to my celebration at home, but this boring little chicken said she will have to help her "Maman, sweet". She is really a boring little mouse, and I told it to her too. But the best thing is Charles, that really good looking man will be there. I invited him and he couldn't say no to a girl like me. My smile gave him goose bumps, and, to be honest he did the same thing to me. I planned to make him ask me out on that evening – this or that way, he will be mine.

The table was beautifully set with Mama's china, in the middle of the big dining table was a vase full of white and yellow roses, all the bowls were full of Mama's finest onion soup. I was wearing my finest dress, it was a violet silk dress with white lace, gently allowing the gentlemen to see a bit of my big and well-formed breast, and Mama let me wear her most beautiful necklace. I always wanted to wear it as a child and preteen, I often tried to steal it out from Mama's jewel box. She slapped my hand for that for numerous times. Charles arrived in time; he was dressed in his most elegant evening suit, and smiled at me with that charming smile of his that I can never forget.

For a strange reason, this time I rather wanted to get close to the food instead of Charles. I was hungry. I can't remember if I was so hungry ever in my life. I did not even wait for the others, just put my spoon in the soup, took a spoonful of it and quickly put it in my mouth. I was prepared for it to burn my tongue, but to my surprise, it tasted like air. I took another spoon, feeling desperately hungry, but I couldn't taste this either. I felt a shake on my shoulder and the next moment I heard a voice.

- Madeleine! Madeleine! – it was Marie. No way, don't let her in. She will eat all the onion soup. I felt a shake again and I ….

I opened my eyes. I saw a nun above me. She looked at me with a worried face, and she held smelling salts. It was just a dream, about Charles and me. Of course it was, Charles was dead, for a long time. But I really missed the onion soup…

- Good morning, my girl, God, you slept a lot again.

- Where am I? Where is Mama? Where is the onion soup? – I asked without even taking a breath.

- Oh, you must be still a bit of sick, my dear. That nasty fever doesn't want to go away. The doctor will come shortly.

- Where… am I?

- You are in "Mary's Refuge" hospital, in Deauville, with your friend, Mlle Perrault.

- What is my illness? – I asked with growing panic.

- You had a complicated childbirth and your friend had smoke inhalation and a few burns, but she is better, and thank God, you seem to be better as well.

I don't know how I could forget about my child… I felt so ashamed. I quickly sat up and asked the nun where my baby was. She replied that she hasn't seen any baby with us, only me and Marie were there after Marie brought me in. This news alarmed me a lot. If someone, only Marie knows what has happened to my baby. I stepped out of my bed to the nun's great scare, and shook Marie to wake her up. I was shaking her so wildly that I seemed to be a lunatic.

- Marie! Marie! What has happened to my child?

- Don't get up, lady, we should still be in bed… - I heard a male voice behind my back. The doctor came to examine me. I was so hysterical with worry that they had to give me some laudanum to calm me down and finally put me back to sleep. As the medicine started to kick in, I remember whispering one name I think I've nearly forgotten about:

- _ Erik… Erik…_

**ERIK**

I slowly crawled away from the road and sat down under a tree near our house that burnt down completely by morning. No firefighters or villagers came to put the flames out on the haunted house that I lived in. They did not even need to fear that the fire will consume their houses – ours was at the side of the village, with no nearby houses. The angry mobs that set our home in fire totally knew what they were doing, and they expected me and my family to burn in it during the night. Only smoke and some black remains of the wall indicated that there once was a building. On the ground there were some pieces of burned wood, paper, ash, and shattered glass all over the place. I was planning to return later when everything cooled off there, searching for something that can be saved for later, maybe not everything was wasted in there. I was thankful that I remembered to pick up my violin when I fled. It was placed in its case, and it lay beside me.

The blue carrycot was placed next to me, on the other side, Sacha was asleep. I think she was tired. I examined her a bit more than I did before; to make sure she wasn't injured anyway. She seemed to be pretty well, only some smuts on her face and the carrycot told the story of her hectic and fearful night. I gently tried to clean them off of her face with my handkerchief. She looked so beautiful with her perfect tiny face, her rosy cheeks and brown hair. Some tiny pieces of glass were next to her face, I threw them out, making sure she won't get injured. I carefully took her out of the basket and placed her in the soft grass to shake some more glass out of her basket, and then put her back in. She did not wake up, thank God. When I covered her up again I noticed some drips of blood on the cloth. I was alarmed and removed the cover from Sacha to see where she was wounded. I could find no blood on her clothes, so I covered her up again.

I checked myself too, and realized that was my blood. The glass that flew in my arm was still there, the shirt in that area was soaked in blood. I finally pulled it out and used the handkerchief to dry the blood off a bit and later to bandage the wound. I had a few minor burns on my hands, arm, knee, shoulder and back, and my mask was burned some places as well. I also had a cut on my left middle finger; perhaps a piece of glass hurt it. I felt a bit of weak still, so I decided to wait there a bit and after I will try to search for my mother and Mlle Perrault. I leaned my back against the tree and closed my eyes. Everything will be fine, in the end.

We were in the afternoon when I finally woke up. I felt better than before, and felt myself ready to leave to the forest. Sacha was looking at me as I leaned close to the carrycot. I picked her up and at the very moment she started crying.

- Oh, Mon Dieu, don't do this, we have to find Mama, we don't have time for that. – I sighed. She was still crying. This time, not even my voice soothed her. Oh, I am selfish, I thought. This tiny thing did not have anything to eat all day and I expect her to be quiet. We had time for my nap; we should have time for her lunch as well.

I found it a cleverer action if I did not bring Sacha with me to find something to eat. With a baby I am more helpless, and some angry villagers might take her, and she would have a nasty end, as they won't have mercy over a monster's sibling. Luckily we had a pacifier in her basket so I put it in her mouth to silence her. She seemed to like it. I carefully placed her under a bush, even threw some leaves at the basket, so it won't be visible to anyone. I checked the place from numerous angles and distances, and as I couldn't see the carrycot, I ran back to the village to find some food.

I was lucky. The Lescots had many children, but the mother had no milk, so they bought milk in the village. I just saw one of the younger ones carrying the milk home in a big pot. The poor thing wasn't too much bigger than the pot itself. I hid in a bush, and as it was getting darker and the kid was afraid enough of the environment, my only job was to rustle with the leaves and make ghost noises. I did not even have to talk. He got scared, dropped the pot and ran as he could.

I carried the milk back to our hiding place and finally fed Sacha. It was hard, as I had to use my hand to give her milk, we did not even have a cup or a spoon, and she was yet too small to handle this. She was either crying or once I got very scared as she started choking. She got better with time and I was careful with her. If I knew where her bottle was, it would be easier. I decided to find it, and as the baby had only a bit of milk for lunch, and we had a lot of leftover, I decided I won't let it go bad and get wasted. I slowly went back to the remains of our house, and passed the black burnt corpse of that old masonic masterpiece, and headed to the backyard. The well there was still intact, it was too far behind the house to have anything bad happening to it. I learned from my mother that the milk we don't use should be kept in a cold place and she put it in the well, numerous times if I did not want to drink it, or if we had many leftovers. I put the pot in the well's bucket and released it down to near the water. It was always cold in there, so at least Sacha will have some milk even if mother is not well enough to feed her.

I slowly went back to the remains of the house, and started searching for at least Sacha's bottle. I did not find it, but there was a china mug, surprisingly intact, just full of dirt and smut. I washed it carefully, and when I found it clean enough I dried it in my shirt. At least I had something to use to feed her. I also picked up some clothes that weren't fully burned, and put them in the bottom of Sacha's baskets. They could be used as diapers. We needed one of them right away.

After I was done with everything, night fell. I sighed. A day was gone and I still did not even go to search for mother. Why didn't they come back here after some time when they realized we were still missing? Why did they leave Sacha with me? Mother hated me so I understand why she didn't want to find me, but why not Sacha?

I slowly lifted the basket up and headed to Roumare forest. Mother and Mlle Perrault were nowhere to find. I was wandering in the forest all night long, but couldn't see anyone there. The dawn hit us near a small river where I was able to take a bath, finally. I even bathed Sacha, but the water was too cold for her, so I just washed the necessary parts and quickly bundled her in her blanket again. To my surprise, she wasn't crying or making a fuss. As long as I was talking to her, she was giggling. She often made an alarmed little gasp when I lifted her up without warning, so I got used to telling her what was going to happen first, and it was all right for her like that.

Actually I found it strange how well I could handle a newborn little burden with me. It didn't irritate me, I found her kind of cute, most of the time. She was beautiful when she was asleep, and she even giggled sometimes, and that was really cute. She reminded me of my poor Sacha, a thing that you had to care a lot about, but it repaid you with sweet moments. I often sang for her and she seemed to like it. She fell asleep to my humming. Her skin was so soft that I found myself unintentionally stroke her face from time to time. To my surprise she didn't cry out in horror from my touch, she would often suck on my thumb instead of hers, and that amused me.

I was walking in the forest with Sacha for days, always returning to the place where I saw mother and Marie for the last time, but they disappeared. I often returned to the house as well, just for the sake of feeding Sacha, but no sign of their presence could have been found. Not a footprint other than mines, not a person, nothing. Up until that night….

I was fed up with searching them in the forest and finally thought I should search them in the village. I was afraid of the villagers, but maybe mother and Mlle Perrault went to Mlle Perrault's house. I knew it will be a hazardous action to just knock on the door, as her old mother lived there as well. For this reason I found the situation highly unlikely, but maybe, as te old lady saw mother did not have me with her, maybe she had heart and gave my sick mother a bed to lay in? I hid Sacha in the usual hiding place and went to the Perrault house and hid in a bush near it to see if I can find Marie. Talking to her won't be a problem, and I will just have to laid her to Sacha's hiding place and gave her to Marie and the family can finally reunite.

I did not imagine myself a part of that family. I was always an outsider, a monster a burden. My only job is to take care of the baby until I can give her back to mother and after, leave the place so they can live happily ever after, just like in those sickeningly sweet fairytales Mlle Perrault used to tell me in my early childhood. I was old enough to take care of myself, and I knew well that I will always have to live on my own.

Marie Perrault did not show up all day, and I knew I had to go back to take care of Sacha. When I left my hiding place I heard an old lady's scream in the window behind me:

- The monster is back! He is still alive! He killed my daughter! Help me!

Windows got wide open as she was screaming. I heard angry villagers yelling behind my back as I was frantically running from them. The noise did not get softer, but louder and louder, more and more people joined to the furious crowd behind my back. I knew I shouldn't run to our hiding place as it would be sure death to Sacha, and maybe for me too. I ran to the other direction, to the north side of the village.

- He stole our milk! My son was right, he did it! – Madame Lescot whined on her crow- like voice.

They were throwing things at me as I was running, stones, sticks and Heaven knows what other objects were hitting my back and head. One of them left a painful wound on my back and I could feel blood dripping all over my back. It must have been some kind of knife as there was a big applause in the crowd. I could feel I was slowing down as my strength was leaving me. My head hurt, I felt dizzy, I was tired and suddenly I fell as my shoe got stuck in a tree's root. I could feel a rough kick on my side and finally, I passed out.

I woke up to cold rain hitting my whole body. My mask was full of dirt as I painfully lifted my head. I felt like each of my bones was broken. Finally I am going to die and this all sufferings were to end. I can't wait. I put my head back in dirt and was waiting for death. I thought my life through, and recalled all my memories. I am not saying I did not have any good memories, but they were nothing to do with my mother. They were either about Mlle Perrault, my music, Sacha…

Sacha… Sa… Oh, my God, Sacha is still under that bush, she will catch a cold and… No. I can't die yet, I have a job to take care of.

I tried to get up. I needed several tries but in the end, I was successful. I slowly staggered into the forest, as I did not find it a clever idea to go through the village to face my fate, and I just hoped the angry mobs did not find Sacha.

It was morning when I finally crawled to that damned bush. I could hear Sacha's hungry moans. It was the most relieving sound to my ears. I grabbed the carrycot with my fingertips and pulled it out from under the bush. I knew it will be too heavy for me in my current state of health so I did not even try to lift it, I just picked Sacha up and bundled her in more blankets. She was wet, the poor thing.

I slowly stood up, and walked on the road with her. I knew I won't be able to search for mother any more. I was yet a child, wounded, hungry and I had a few days old baby to take care of. I knew that if I keep searching for them, most likely both of us will die. It is not a pity if I do, but this innocent little girl should at least be saved and maybe once she meets mother once. I just wanted to keep her safe and save her life, so I left Boscherville with her.

I found a carriage that carried cows, not much further than Boscherville's border. I sneaked on board with Sacha and waited for it to depart. It was heading to Rouen, as it turned to the road that led there, as I could see the sign on the road. I held Sacha close to me, she was asleep most of the time. I put the pacifier in her mouth so she won't cause noise and give away our presence.

When the carriage finally stopped again, I got off, holding my sister. It wasn't easy as I was very tired but I was thankful for the carriage. I went to the nearest house, removed my mask, kissed Sacha on the forehead then put her down on the threshold. I turned around and ran towards the fields as I could.

I don't know how did I do that, but I was running from the house until dawn came. No one noticed me. I was on a big grassy field, and as I turned and looked around, I could see no houses or buildings around me. I was still bleeding and I was so tired that I did not care about anything anymore. I found it as the perfect place to die, so I curled up on the ground and closed my eyes.

**MADELEINE**

Two weeks had to pass when we were finally discharged from hospital. I was still a bit of weak, but the only thing I cared about was my child. Marie was all better by that time, and I had to hear the details of that horrible night when I was saved from my own burning house. Marie told me that Erik was searching for the baby when she took me out of the house. I was hoping to see them soon, as I knew Erik, despite all of his madness and faults, was very hard to harm. I was sure he was all right somewhere; I was more worried about the baby.

As I reached the house that once was my perfect little home, I burst out in tears. Marie was standing behind my back and put her hands on my shoulders to give support. I slowly fell on my knees, sobbing.

- Erik… Erik dear… - I heard Marie's faint voice calling Erik, but to my biggest shock he didn't show up from anywhere. The place was so plain and empty as the painful silence hurt my ear and Marie's voice seemed to echo through the air.

I lost all hopes to see my children alive…. if I could hug them one more time… if only…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**MADELEINE**

I was frantically searching for some signs that would indicate that Erik and my little daughter were still alive. I was looking at every small piece of grass, and I also wanted to go among the wrecks to search for at least their dead bodies. Marie was just standing under a nearby tree. She didn't dare to bother me in my grief. After much looking, I could not find anything and tiredly and frustratedly sat down next to Marie. She held Erik's violin case on her lap.

- Marie…. – I looked at her with surprise – where did you find that? – I knew Erik would never go anywhere without that violin, so if the violin is here, Erik has to be near.

- It was here, under this bush. – she replied sadly.

- What? – I grabbed her shoulder and jumped up. I ran to that bush and saw the baby's carrycot on the other side. I picked it up and hugged it.

- Madeleine, she was in that when I last saw her….

- Do you know what it means, Marie? – I grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the ground- they got out! Do you hear me; they were able to get out! They are alive! They are alive somewhere, come and…. – a sudden new sign silenced me. I saw blood. There were smaller and bigger patches of blood on the ground. They weren't fresh anymore; on their color it was visible that they might be a few hours, or one or two days old. The baby's carrycot had a few bloody fingerprints on it as well; it was clearly Erik's hand that left them there.

Did he kill my daughter? Did he really do that? I stood there, and my hands got so weak I dropped the carrycot. Oh, how I loathed the damned child. What else could have happened?

- If he did that, why would he save her from fire, Madeleine? – Marie looked at me, and I got very surprised that she could read in my thoughts so well. – I know you for decades, Madeleine, I know what you think. – she added simply.

- You might be right. – I sighed. – But then tell me where she is!

- I think we should ask Father Mansart. – Marie took my hand. – He was always good to us; maybe he knows where Erik and little Sacha are.

- Please don't call her Sacha. - I groaned. – When I find them my first action will be to rename her, and talk to Erik about this.

- As you wish, Madeleine. – Marie shook her head and sighed.

When the priest opened the door for us he looked like he saw a ghost. He turned pale for a second but after he regained his strength and quickly invited us in. I was a pitiful sight in my nightgown I was still wearing. As we did not have time to find a dress for me at night, I was taken to the hospital in that nightgown, and was discharged in it too, as I did not have any other clothes. Marie at least wore a normal dress. She fell asleep in the clothes she was wearing.

- Madeleine, my child, I thought you….

- Father, where are my children? – I asked, not even waiting for the priest to finish his sentence. I wasn't this impolite usually, but I was so worried I couldn't help myself.

- You… you don't know about it yet….

- About what? – I gasped.

- Erik… Erik is dead, Madeleine…. he was beaten to death by the villagers…

- What? – I put my hand in front of my mouth and tears were forming in my eyes.

- Last night they found Erik in the village, and took revenge on him…. I was too late… wen I arrived, he was already….

- Where… is his grave? – I swallowed. – I want to visit it…

- I don't know, my child. I wanted to go back to that place after all of them finally went home, to give him the final sacraments and bury him, but his body disappeared by the time I have returned. – the priest bit his lips and wiped a tear out of the corner of his eyes. He didn't cry often at all.

All the three of us stood up and gave a moment of silence to remember him. I was in tears for the mere thought of what the twisted habitants of the village could have done to his lifeless little body. I was crying, hugging Marie's shoulder. She patted my shoulder and back, but did not say a word. I could feel from her body's shaking that she was also crying.

- Requiescat in Pace. – Father Mansart sighed and put his hand on the crucifix on the wall in front of him.

- What… what has happened to my daughter? – I asked, after a few moments of painful silence.

- I haven't seen her around, Madeleine. She wasn't with Erik when he was fleeing, I know it. I have tried to search for her around the village, but I am sorry to say, dear, but there is not much hope she is still alive. – he looked at me with a sad expression and opened his arms in helplessness.

I had to sit down again to avoid fainting. I buried my face in my hands and was weeping for a long time. No one told me not to cry – it was meaningless to ask a mother not to mourn her children. Marie was still sniffing in her handkerchief, sometimes maybe she whispered "Erik dear" but it was so soft one could barely hear it, and I wasn't even sure if it was just the way she took a breath or she really did say something. Father Mansart was just looking around in the room with dark glances, he bit his lips sometimes, he sat down to a chair near the fireplace but after he quickly stood up again, just as the chair has burned him. He walked to the window, and when passing me, I could see some strange look in his eyes. It was like he has been accusing me for what has happened… and he was right.

I saw myself as a really bad mother at that moment, I remembered every bad and cruel sentence I have ever told Erik, and I thought I actually deserved what I got.

Oh God, if you had to teach me a lesson, why did you have to take two innocent beings? If I got them back for only a second I would do everything the good way. I would never make Erik wear a mask… I would never tell those nasty things… never…. never….

- I think you should get a dress, and travel to another place, dear. – Father Mansart put his hand on my shoulder with compassion. Strangely, the accusing look wasn't in his eyes any more. Or could it be that it was just my guilt that made me see it? – You don't anymore have your house here, and the people in this village think you were in the house as well…. it would be a cleverer thing to let them in that belief, don't you think?

I knew well what he meant. If I stay, they will kill me for sure. I wouldn't have minded it though, but really, where should I go in this village? If I stayed alive, maybe it has a reason. Does God maybe have some other plans with me? Did he maybe just save me from Hell? If I died this time, I sure would have gone to Hell for what I have done to Erik.

I heard Marie's angry voice in my head when she slapped me on Erik's fifth Birthday "_Well, it's not enough simply to be pretty, do you hear me, Madeleine? It doesn't excuse you from human obligations. It doesn't permit you to poison a child's mind and cripple his soul. You should hang for what you have done to him since he was born ... you should burn_!"

Strangely enough, it was Erik that saved me from burning that night. Oh Erik, Erik dear…

Father Mansart was so kind to me that he gave me some money that could serve me for a time in my new life. He told me he did never expect me to return it, and I also got a simple dress to wear. It was black… just like my soul and mood. He wished me luck, and I found myself outside again. The August sun was warm and a light breeze caressed my face, but inside I only felt the coldness of my icy heart.

Marie refused to go home. She told me she was my sister and will help me the best she can. She could not face her mother after what they had done, and to be honest, I think she was afraid of the villagers as well. She was always an outsider since Erik's birth, as she never refused to visit me. She will accompany me to the end of the world, taking care of me. We once more returned to the house, I was trying to follow the blood, but it ended under a tree. There was a bigger spot, but nothing more.

- Come, Madeleine, we should go before they notice us. – Marie took my hand and slowly led me away from the place where my first child spent his last terrible minutes.

- Adieu, Erik. I am sorry. – I whispered, and closed my eyes.

**ALBERT BOSWELL**

I woke up in the middle of the night. I usually slept well, but this time I heard a strange noise. "I swear it is a baby's cry"- I thought. I jumped out of my bed and ran to the door. It was hard to imagine there could be a baby, as there were no small children in my house, but I couldn't mistake the sound with anything else. When I opened the door and looked down I saw a tiny baby in some dirty blankets, it was soaked to the skin and crying from the top of its lungs.

Poor baby, some heartless "mother" could have put it down here. I quickly lifted it up and hurried back to the house with it, carefully placed it on the table and searched for my lantern to have a better look.

- Madame Bonhumeur! – I called for my old housekeeper while I peeled the dirty blankets off of the child. It was a baby girl, all wet and pitifully tiny. It didn't seem to be too strong. I found it a better option to call the doctor for her to examine her right away.

- Oh, Monsieur, what has happened? – the good old lady asked worriedly as she arrived next to me as fast as she could. She was small and thin, and had her 88th Birthday not so long before this event. She was yet my poor wife's Aunt, the oldest lady in whole Darnéthal. Everyone liked her for her kind heart and caretaking.

- Madame Bonhumeur, I found this poor baby in front of the door, please feed and dry her while I go fetch the doctor. – I quickly put on my boots and cape and left. On my way out I could hear Madame Bonhumeur's surprised and compassionate chatter, and I knew she will take good care of the child until I return.

When I returned with the old but still very nice doctor of our village I saw that the baby was nicely bundled in a big red blanket and the kind old lady was cradling her on her lap.

- Oh – ho, you weren't joking, were you? – Dr. Renard clapped his small fat hands together in excitement. – I thought you were just joking around with me in the middle of the night, it wouldn't be the first time….. – he smiled at me and shook his head. To tell the truth, my friends and I sometimes liked to call him to a non-existent illness, but to our defense, I have to state we only did it when he was playing the violin. He was a terrible violinist, but at the age of 66, he still thought it was worth practicing it all the time. He also was very hardworking; sadly, he was practicing for 3-4 hours, to the biggest displeasure of his neighbors.

- No, Christian, I found her right here, in my door. – I assured him. – Can you take a look at her? Is she healthy?

The doctor picked the baby up and was examining her for a time. He measured her length, weight, looked in her ears, mouth, eyes, nose. The baby did not really like this treatment, and at the end she started crying again.

- She seems to be healthy, but she is very tiny and weak. She is thin. Maybe she arrived earlier than should have. Also, I don't think she was well fed.

- How old is she?

- Very young, actually, might be only a few days old, 1-2 weeks old the most. According to how she looks like I would say her parents are very poor and couldn't raise her, so they decided to get rid of her.

- Poor little angel! – Madame Bonhumeur hugged the baby she was holding.

- What should we do to her? – Christian asked – I know a refuge to orphans in Rouen, or…

- I am planning to take care of her. – I did not wait for the other possible answers, and I was disgusted of the mere thought of orphanages. I was an orphan myself, and knew that children were unhappy and poor in those places.

I was taken to one of those horrible institutions when I was about 3 years old, and grew up there. Everything I had, I worked for with sweat and blood. In all my childhood there was no one to love me, and I did not want this poor child to meet with such a fate. If the Good Caring Lord guided her mother to my door to get rid of the child, I shall do my best to make her feel as happy as possible.

My poor wife, Héléne, passed away 25 years ago when she gave birth to our son, Jean- Pierre. He only lived 2 weeks. The doctor said he wasn't ready for life, and the entire cruel world, without his mother, and he followed her to Heaven.

This baby girl in Madame Bonhumeur's arms suddenly gave meaning to my life. I knew I will give her everything she needed.

- Tomorrow, I go to Rouen with the carriage and a horse and will buy everything that a newborn can need.

- I accompany you. – Christian smiled. – Have you thought of a name for the baby? We can't call her "baby" for her entire life, if you decided to keep her.

I looked at the baby and scratched my head. There was one name I loved always, and I thought, the little girl will like it too:

- Suzanne. Suzanne Boswell.

**MADELEINE**

I have never thought it was so painful and tiring to go to Paris. I have been to that city many times in my youth, but back then I always had enough money for proper circumstances. But now, Marie and I had only a few francs to save, and most of the time we either had to travel on the least comfortable carriages or coaches possible, or even we had to walk. We had to save money so we could only eat a little. Being late September, it meant that it was raining a lot, and nights turned cooler than in the summer. I lost one of my shoes in a sticky puddle. How I loathed this journey.

Finally, we reached Paris on 24th September. Exactly a month later than Sacha was born… I would gladly call her Sacha if I knew where she was…

I was hungry. Marie rented a room for me in a small inn while she went to search for an apartment in Paris for us. I just sat on the bed for a few hours, crying, but after that my hunger made me go downstairs. Marie left half of the remaining money to me so that I can take care of it. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I spent the whole money on food in the restaurant. I ate everything I could afford, and soon, I was so full I could not really move. Only then I realized that Marie won't have anything to eat when she returns.

Marie returned late in the afternoon with good news, that she found a room for us. I wanted to tell her what has happened, but I did not dare to, in the end. She only sent a cold glance towards me when she found the brown purse on the end table, flat and empty.

- I hope you had a good meal. – She told me no more, just went to bed.

I spent all night awake, in self-hatred and self-pity. I made a promise in my heart that I will never ever do this to Marie again. In the morning, when I approached Marie, she turned back and looked a few seconds to my pale face.

- A little indigestion, is it? – she asked with a bit of annoyed tone in her voice, but after she didn't wait for my reply – Come, we see the new apartment.

We did not have money for carriage or public transport so we had to walk to reach the very edge of Paris. I understood now, why Marie was so tired when she returned to the inn, she was walking all day long to find a place we can live in. We bought a pair of new shoes for me in a shoe shop in the poorer quarter of Paris, which had very small amounts of goods to pick. My shoes were simple and black, matching with my gown. Marie told me she'd like if I took good care of these shoes as we have no more money to buy shoes every day. I was hurt, but I had to admit she was right.

It was late afternoon when we finally reached a narrow filthy street. I wanted to gasp and burst out in complaints, but a look from Marie silenced me.

I was quite disappointed when we stepped in our apartment I had to share with Marie. It was a very pathetic rat hole, with only one room. It was very far from the city center, had a view to a narrow, filthy street and to another nasty building that looked just like ours.

The room only had two beds, a small table, a chair and a stove in the corner. The walls were white, but because of the apartment's darkness, they looked more like gray. There were old newspapers on the only window, used as curtains. From our bedroom two more rooms were accessible, one of them was the painfully small kitchen, the other was the "bathroom" that had a big curtain on the door to separate it from the bedroom. It only contained a chamber pot and a basin.

I was sure even a cell in prison looked more comfortable and charming. Even though I thought and felt I deserved these conditions, I couldn't resist turning to Marie and ask her:

- Is it the best you could find?

- You seem to forget that we have not much money to be picky about living conditions. – she exhaustedly took a seat on the edge of the bed under the window – especially now that you ate half of the remaining few francs. I am not even sure if you are aware that we will have to work hard to put bread on the table.

- Work? Marie, you don't expect me to scrub floors for money do you? - I startled up from the gray apathy I was sinking in slowly before Marie's dark future plans.

- Why? Did you think that God will feel pity and throws coins at us? Madeleine, you have to stop self- pity and acting like a princess, and should at last make a good use of yourself! Yes, we have to work. We have no other choice but to start a new life, and for that, we have to earn money. I have to work, and you also have to work. If it means we have to scrub floors or sweep the pavement then we will.

- What if I take care of the apartment while you are working? – I interrupted her.

- Of course, we have to take care of the apartment too. But I can't work for the two of us! You have to help. Like it or not, you will have a job that you will like. If you don't want to clean, you could go as a shop assistant, or whatever. It is over, Madeleine, that you just live like a princess and someone spoils you till the end of your life. Tomorrow we will go and search for some job we can take. But now, I am quite tired and I am sure, you are too. – her voice changed at this point, instead of the accusing and cold tone, she changed to a more compassionate and caring intonation – Just go to sleep, Madeleine, everything will be all right. Good night.

She lay down on the bed and turned to face the wall. In a few moments I could hear she was asleep. I envied her. I was indeed very tired but I could not calm down enough to sleep. I quietly took my shoes off and sat on the other bed that was apparently for me. I was staring in the moonlight that got in the room through the newspaper, and was cracking my fingers.

What a terrible mother and person I have been in all my life, and even now, I can't appreciate the little amount of luck I still had. I always wanted more than I had. I had a son, but I wanted more. I had a beautiful home. I had money, I had everything one could need… and still I was unhappy and thankless. The only thing I cared for was my selfish well- being. Maybe God wants to teach me a lesson that I should be thankful and happy for whatever I have, because I can easily lose everything, as I just lost everything I had.

I will try my best to learn from my mistakes, to turn out to be a better person. I closed my eyes and was thinking about how I can do it. How could I help the helpless, and think less of myself? Not much later I happily jumped out of bed….

Now I know what I have to do!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**MADELEINE**

The first rays of the sun that weren't blocked by the building on the opposite side of the street found me awake and full of energy the next morning, even though I didn't have much sleep. The faint autumn sunshine lit through the pathetic newspaper curtain as I brushed my hair and washed my face. Marie was surprised that I was the first to get up in the morning and I was fully dressed and washed when she sat up in her bed. Other times I always wanted to sleep in, but this time, I even had the time to prepare a small and poor breakfast for us. At least we still had tea.

- Didn't you sleep well, Madeleine? – she asked worriedly.

- Why, yes, yes I did. – I smiled and put the plate on the small table in front of her.

- Thank you. – she smiled at me, and I couldn't help myself but laugh at her amazed expression.

- You were right, I have to change. – I sat down to the edge of my bed to eat my slice of bread- This can't go on like this. I know now what I will work and I hope you will help me as well.

- I will, Madeleine, with everything you need. – she nodded and smiled.

After breakfast I said no more words, just asked Marie to follow me. She did not show any surprise, she knew that I was a determined and stubborn woman and I always knew what I wanted. We walked to the center of Paris and I stopped in front of the Institution of the Blind.

- Here I want to work as a nurse or a teacher. – I pointed at the building.

- Are you sure this is what you want to do? – Marie asked with a rather uncomfortable look on her face, as if she was thinking I have gone mad. She was looking at the big stone building in front of us.

- Yes. – I nodded with determination.

- Madeleine, these children are… very sensitive, they have a very sensitive little soul and…

- And you don't think I should ruin their self-esteem, just as I did it with my son, did you want to say that?

- No. But I wanted to warn you that they might not tolerate well if you keep talking to them harshly like a soldier. Also they need assistance and patience, something you seemed to lack in your life, Madeleine. Please, don't get me wrong. You are a good person, but I am not sure you should work with disabled children. You don't have to prove anything. – she took my hand.

- Marie… I know what I have to do. I know that I have to work here to learn what it takes to work with these children. Yes, I need more patience and kindness. I have to be here to learn it. Will you help me? I know that you will be a great tutor. Please, Marie. – I looked in her eyes. She pulled me closer to herself and gently hugged me.

- I know you will be successful, and if this is what you want, I will help you the best I can.

We walked closer to the building. Next to the giant two-wing door there was a sign that said

"Primary School and Home of the Blind"

Here lived the blind children that could not go to school at home, or their parents couldn't know how to take care of them. To tell the truth, I was feeling a bit of uncomfortable about this place, and I thought my old self would have sent my blind child here without a second thought. But the new Madeleine won't be selfish any more.

When we stepped inside I was surprised to see that instead of the prison like atmosphere, I felt like I stepped into a big family's apartment. May children were there, in pairs, one child guiding the other. As I later found out, many of the children weren't totally blind, they could still see some, and these partly disabled children's job was to guide their fully blind mates to eat or to take a walk.

The headmaster was very kind. When I told him why we came and what do we want, he only asked if my intentions are serious. When I said yes, he asked some questions to explore my knowledge and level of education. As I was well- trained as a child and young woman, it wasn't hard to answer those questions. I had way more than average knowledge in literature, geometry, history and music. I finally got a job as a music- mathematics teacher. They said I came just in time as the children had a very old teacher in these subjects, and he could not really do his job any more.

Marie, as she wasn't as educated as me, and to be honest, did not even have the courage to speak in front of a bigger crowd, became a nurse in the home of the children. Her job was to help the children in need, to teach the younger ones to do everyday things like get dressed, and to look after them. She had eight more co-workers to look after about 200 children.

In the institution we got home and food, so Marie went to our apartment to bring the few things we had there and to talk to the landlord about cancelling the apartment. She returned a bit of grumpy, because we had to pay for the whole month when cancelling the apartment. I did not mind that we didn't have to go back there.

I happily got to know that I did not have to stay in the same room with Marie. As I was a teacher, I got a room for my own. It had a piano in it, a desk, some chairs, a big dresser, and a bed. It wasn't as luxury as my old home, but definitely much better and comfortable than the apartment we rented. I sat down in front of the piano and decided to practice a bit. It did not go too well at first; I was ashamed of the sounds I made. I did not really play the piano at home as Erik usually thought the piano was his, and he occupied it most of the time. As my lazy and untrained fingers were slowly getting used to the piano keys and I started to form better melodies, and with time, the imaginary audience could recognize some old Mozart and Bach pieces I learned in my childhood, I unintentionally imagined what Erik might say if he heard me playing right now. I did not start to cry, to my own surprise. The sight of his white kid mask and hearing his displeased voice just made me to practice harder so that I can gain his applause. I could see and hear him so clearly as he was right there with me in the room. He was sitting on my bed with a book on his lap, and first he didn't even lift his head. When I made some terrible mistakes I heard he sighed, and after some very pitiful tries to play the right notes, he got tired of my musical fails and jumped off of the bed, walked closer to me and started giving criticism in one word sentences. "Faster" "C" "F" "Softer" After some successful lines he nodded and said "Good". This made me happier than anything I have ever heard. I wanted to hug him but my hands just cut through the air. His thin form disappeared just like when I blurred my reflection in water when I put my hand in it.

It was a bit of sad feeling, but I still did not cry. I felt that Erik was somehow with me and deep in my heart I knew that Father Mansart must be wrong. Erik did not die. He was alive somewhere, and he was with me, in my soul. Even if I can't touch him, he is still with me, giving me instructions or advices. And I will try to see him as often as possible.

**ERIK**

When I opened my eyes I found myself in a tent. I was lying on my side on the ground and there was a sack under me, filled with straw. I was quite comfortable, to be honest, the only thing that made me feel bad was the aching wound on my back. It did not hurt as it did before, but I could still feel it. After I shook my head a few times to regain my mind's normal working, I was able to think things through. I did not think I died. At first, this place, however comfortable it was, didn't meet either Father Mansart's descriptions, neither my expectations of Heaven. Well, if I thought about what a bad child I was, I might have been in Hell, but that place did not even look like that. It was an earthly looking normal tent. I also doubted that in either Heaven or Hell, I could still feel my wound, as it only my soul should have been in those places, not my body.

As I finished with my musings, I realized I wasn't alone in the tent. A shadow sat a bit further than my sack- bed, and as I was yet unable to move my head properly, I could not even see if the shadow figure was a woman or a man. The only thing I could see is the human being was a bit overweight. I did not really dare to move, just tried to keep an eye at my companion to see what they might want of me. Considering they did not kill me or let me die on the field, I thought they might be harmless. But I did not dare to make sure of it. I was yet very weak and I knew I would not win a possible fight in this state of health.

The thing moved when it realized I was watching it. It stood up and I still could not tell what it was. It looked around and I tried to hold my breath not to make noise, but it was too late. The thing had already found out I was still alive. It took some steps closer to me and leaned close. My eyes got wide open and I wanted to scream but the only faint sound I could make was just a pitiful whine.

- Don't be afraid, you poor thing. – it was a very gruff voice, but certainly female. As she was examining me, I could see she was an old woman, with a very ugly face, giant nose, no teeth and a missing eye. She was very fat, and she was hunched. She put her hands under my jaw and pulled me closer to her. Only then I realized I wasn't wearing my mask.

- Where is my mask? – I asked when she finally let me go

- What mask? – she asked with surprise.

- That I was always….. made to wear…. – my mind was racing and finally I remembered back that I had removed it when I kissed Sacha. I had no more memories about what could have happened to it, but most likely I forgot to put it back on.

- I haven't seen a mask on you. – she shook her head. – Who made you wear it?

- My mother. – I lowered my head and closed my eyes.

- Heartless thing. – she spat in the corner of the tent. I rather found the whole figure a bit bizarre and somehow disgusting, but to be honest, she looked a lot like me, and she did not seem to be repulsed by my maskless deformed face.

- Are you not… afraid of me? – I asked, though I knew I will sound rather dumb.

- No. – she replied simply.

- What's your name?

- Devil knows. – she sat down behind my back and as I could feel she was taking care of my wound.

- My name is Erik. – I told her after she was done and came back in front of me again. She nodded.

- The others in the camp call me the Crazy Ilka. – she said after a long pause.

- Thank you for….

- You don't have to thank me. – she shook her head. – I am not even sure I made you good by doing it. You seem to be a good boy, but people are bad.

I knew well how she meant it. Maybe it would have been a more merciful act of her to let me die in peace, but she seemed to be kind and I wanted to make her happy.

- I'm still thankful.

- Just don't show your feelings too much. – she replied. – Others might use them against you. You'll learn it.

- Is there anything I could help you with?

- You have to feel better.

- And after? May I stay with you or…

- Why not? I was always alone here. You will see there is lot of people in this Gypsy camp but even in a crowd you can be lonely. At least, if you stay, there will be someone for me.

- I can work. – I added some minutes later. – I can take care of you.

- I take care of myself. Is there a way you could make money?

- I can sing and play the violin.

- There are a lot of musicians here. – she waved in frustration – every second Gypsy is a musician.

- Might be true. But they aren't like me. – I proudly lifted my head.

- We shall see after you get more strength. – she smiled and patted my shoulder. – Now I go and fetch you some food. Don't go out. The others might attack you.

She left me with my thoughts. Should I go with a travelling Gypsy camp? As I heard Gypsies were travelling all around Europe all the time. They did not stay at a place for long. I was never outside of Boscherville, I wasn't really outside of that damned house. If I go with them, might be I will be out of the country for years. But who would miss me, anyway? My mother always hated me, my sister is safe in that house, as sure some good person adopted her, and mother sure will find a new gentleman for herself, wherever she is, as she found Dr. Bayre. She is young, still, she could still give birth to a few children and live happily ever after with her new family. No one needs me and I could finally live my own life, see some of the world, and have adventures. Also, my new companion seems to be kinder than my mother who would always make me aware of her constant nausea upon looking at me. Maybe finally I can live with someone who tolerates my face?

The dear old woman was protecting me as I was a nicely painted Easter egg. We became friends and I briefly told her my life story. I did not tell her everything; she was too sensitive to handle all the things that have happened to me. She took care of me and chased the few gypsy kids away that came to bother me as they heard there was a very ugly thing in Ilka's tent. I was slowly getting better. I needed two more weeks to be strong and to be able to take care of myself, finally. My wound mostly healed, and I found myself ready to start a new life just in time when the Gypsies decided to pack and move on from the border of Darnéthal. It was early October, and it started to be very chilly in the mornings, so the gypsies thought it will be better to go somewhere warmer.

- Italy? We go to Italy?

- Yes, Erik, we usually do in the Autumn.

- I can't wait. I will see the famous buildings of the Italian masters, finally.

- Be careful – Ilka sighed and waved her head – just be careful, Erik.

- I will. I made myself a new mask.

- Why? You don't have to wear it.

- Not with you. For when I go outside.

- Do you really want to go in the cities, Erik?

- Ilka, I have always been interested in architecture. I want to visit all the monuments, castles, and every beautiful building. Don't you want to see them too?

- What for? I am fine here, in my tent. You will find out yourself that you will be more content with an own place once. But you are young yet. How old are you? – she looked at me with dreamy eyes.

- I can be 8 or 9. – I sighed. – We did not… celebrate… my Birthday.

- Well, you get a Birthday from me. The day I found you on the fields. It was Tuesday. You will have Birthday on Tuesday.

- But Ilka, one can only have one Birthday a year.

- Who said that?

- Mother.

- I say it other way. Not only one truth is there. We can see things differently.

I scratched my head, but I actually liked the idea. I liked to see things from more perspectives, and hearing an adult thinks similar was really a nice touch.

- Do you know what I would like to have for my Birthday?

- What? – she leaned closer to me and smiled.

- My violin. I left it at home and I would like you to accompany me back to …. to the place I lost it.

- Won't it be easier if you get a violin from one of the kids here? A lot of them grew up their child violins. I see you'd need a ½ violin. I think I could get you one.

- Well…. mine had an amazing sound…. but if you could get me one, I'd see if it meets my standards.

- Oh, you are a strange little kid – Ilka laughed. – I like you have standards; it is unlikely from a child at your age.

- If my face isn't perfect, everything else should be. – I murmured mostly to myself.

The next day when I woke up I saw a violin next to my bed in a violin case. I opened it with trembling hands and picked the instrument out. I just watched it for a few seconds…. and after I realized the case was very familiar. I looked inside and… yes. I found the little piece of sheet music under the bow's place in that tiny hole where I hid it. It was my first piece I ever wrote and kept it in the violin case to make sure I will never lose it. It was my violin!

- How… how did you… - I looked up at Ilka with eyes filled with tears

- I found it under a bush. You told me your house burned down, it was easy to find that place in Boscherville.

- How can I thank you for it…

- Just play something, so I can see if it worth to get it.

I started to play one of my favorite pieces by Bach, and I could see Ilka's jaw dropped from surprise. I bet she never heard a child play like this. I was always proud of ow I could control my audience's feelings. But my secret weapon was yet unused. I finished playing the violin and put it back to its place. I stood up straight and closed my eyes. With all my knowledge and heart, I started to sing.

The piece I sang was a simple Ave Maria, but the way I sang it was so unique that Ilka was just sitting there, speechless. I realized that as I was singing, the tent's entrance got blocked by gypsies. Soon the whole camp came and was listening to my singing. Ilka took my hand and turned me towards them, and though some of them gasped by the sight of my face, my music made them forget about it.

There was no more need to be afraid of the gypsies. I knew that I will be able to control them with my voice. The journey could begin.

**ALBERT BOSWELL**

Little Suzanne had the nicest nursery in all Normandie, I bet. She got a beautiful cradle, nice baby clothes, toys, bottle, pacifier, very soft carpet for her if we will be able to put her out on it to play and everything a nice little girl could want or need. Even though I wasn't rich, I had enough money to buy her the finest things a man in my state could afford.

She was a nice baby, she did not cry a lot. She seemed to be surprised if someone lifted her up, as she did not see that coming at all. Christian came to visit us for our usual chess or card parties, and every time he was there he would examine Suzanne if she was developing normally.

The first few months passed in happiness and idyll. Madame Bonhumeur and I were so happy to have a sweet little girl with us. I wasn't in the pub anymore and I also quitted smoking my cigars not to blow that stinky smoke on that little angel girl. It was a pleasure to see how she was growing and developing day by day in front of me.

Madame Bonhumeur turned younger because of our dear little angel. She did not complain any more about pain, she smiled all the time, hummed while making food for Suzanne, or when she cradled her. The good old lady looked at the baby with warm and happy eyes just like a new mother. She had one daughter but the poor girl died in an accident when she was 15. I wasn't sure what has happened to her, as Madame Bonhumeur did not like to talk about it. She was a good mother to my daughter. She spoiled the baby, and so did I.

She could be 8-9 months old when we saw the first signs that made us worry. She wasn't interested in the toys I put in her cradle or the little bells I hang above it. Only if she accidentally touched something, she would pick that one toy up and play with it. She did not look directly at us, only if we spoke to her. We could not play peek a boo with her, or she did not react when I made a face to make her laugh. When we put her down on the rug, she would not really dare to crawl, only on the areas she knew. I could not imagine what her problem could be, at first I just thought she was just very young and maybe it changes with time. It did not. Madame Bonhumeur started to nag me about I should ask Christian's opinion about this.

Suzanne was a little more than a year old when I finally dared to ask the doctor about our problem. He picked the girl up and examined her for a time. He directly flashed in her eyes with a lamp but Suzanne did not cry or close her eyes. As he was looking at her, his face got more and more worried. He finally put her down to her rug and looked at me.

- Is there a very big problem, is it? – I asked softly.

- Yes. – the doctor nodded.

- Is she going to die? – I leaned against the table not to fall.

- No, it is not that bad… but it will be most likely very hard for her in all her life.

- Why, for God's sake, Christian, what is my child's illness?

- She is blind. – Christian replied.

I felt like a heavy rock hit me on the head falling from a giant cliff. I was so stunned at first that I could barely breathe. But after the first shock I stood up straight and lifted my head.

- I shall help her to live a complete life even with her disability. She won't be a helpless thing that will be up to people's cruelty or intentions. She won't need their help or pity. Suzanne Boswell will be a successful young woman, strong, determined and awesome. I will do everything to help her.

- I will help you with it too. – Christian said and put his hand on my shoulder. – It won't be easy, but I like your way of thinking and I know that you will be successful.

I nodded and we silently looked at the tiny girl on the rug. She found a toy and was happily playing with it and giggled. What a positive little girl she is!


End file.
